if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
