During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
