the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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