i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
