I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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