This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
