i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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