My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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