allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
