we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
