he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
