what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
