You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize