you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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