Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
