that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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