If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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