The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
