I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
