my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
