Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
