dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
