I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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