I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
