Who wears a wallet chain?!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Randomize
