there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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