i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize