Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
