Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Me too!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
