this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
