I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize