she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
