Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
