you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
