we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize