I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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