He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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