Plan B is the new Plan A
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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