is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
