I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
