i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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