Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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