hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
