we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Found your dick twin last night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
