I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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