my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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