I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
