Don't you send me to vm
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize