Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
