you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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