I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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