Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
