she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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