Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
