i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize