We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This house was built for laser tag.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
