dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
