I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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