remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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