I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
