If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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