i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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