I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
