I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
