Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
