I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
