Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
