When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
