I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
barbara walters just said penis...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
