he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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